Friday, May 10, 2013

Working from home is weird

I started my new job on Monday. Got my home office all set up, new desk, new chair. I went to my work's 'headquarters' (which is the CEO's house), did a couple hours of training, then I went home. I've been home since, and today is the first day I've heard any word from them. They sent me home Monday and just told me to poke around in their files for a bit and familiarize myself... So I've been doing that all week thinking.... Is this a real job? Is anyone going to email me and give me something else to do? haha

This is definitely an adjustment. It's a positive one, but I'm just used to the boss-breathing-down-your-neck approach... so not having that is just a very weird feeling.

I don't really know what my job is exactly. I was hired to work in rapid development, but they decided not to pursue the client they were going after, so now I won't be doing that — at least not right away.

Oh well, I really can't complain. It's weird, but it's also awesome. DD's daycare is across the street! I'm in heaven.

Except of course when I leave her in the morning and she has a full on "mommy don't leave me" fit... But by the end of the day she forgets all about it.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Ashley Pants Bananas!

It has been a while since I've done an Ashley update, so here goes!

Ashley is amazing. Plain and simple. She is everything that is awesome in life all rolled up in to a squishable, kissable, huggable little package. She's 14 months old, and she is just the world. Our days are filled with laughter, even when we're exhausted, because she's just such a character, and her personality... she is just so cute! AhhhHHH!!!! :)

She's been walking since she was about 10.5 months old. We took her to San Francisco somewhere around 10 months, and when we got back, she must have been happy to see her home and her floors that she could run around on, because she got right to it. :) Travelling with her was great! We weren't sure how it would play out... long plane ride, 4 hour layover after missing our connection, but she did great through it all! She even adjusted to the time change. :)

She's been saying mama and dada for a while, but right now everything is "Ya!!!!!!!!!" Ashley, would you like a yogurt tube? YA!!!!!!!! Want a bath? YA!!!!!!!! Should mommy eat this chocolate covered decadent thing that will make her fat? YA!!!!!! Ya???? YA!!!!! hahaha At least she's not saying no? She also quacks like a duck, oinks like a pig, meows like a cat, and we think she says cat, dog, all done, thank you, and a bunch of mumbly stuff we can't understand yet. She doesn't need words most of the time, she's pretty good at communicating what she does and doesn't want.

With the nice weather we're having, she wants to live outside. I like that. I also want to live outside. We may attempt a one-nighter of camping at the end of this summer to see how she does.

Okay, on to the pictures!! :) They're in whatever order blogger plugs them in, because I only have a bit of time to do this, lol

Fish face!! I have a book that we read that has a fish in it. Every time I point to the fish, she looks up at me because she knows I'm going to make the fish face. Her favorite face to imitate other than scrunch face.

 This is from today. We had a picnic in the park since it was so nice out.. She LOVED it.

Ashley in her dress that I made her that is made with yarn that is way too thick for summer. :( Hopefully there will be a cooler day here and there before she grows out of it, since apparently it is summer here right now.
 Yogurt face. Enough said.

This is Ashley on her first birthday. I'm disappointed that I didn't get more pictures of this day. If I look like crap in this photo, it's because Murphy's law says that I have to get my first kidney stone ever on my daughter's first birthday. I made it through her birthday party (which was AWESOME), and then went to emergency where I promptly given an injection of morphine and an IV drip... and wouldn't you know, the next day, the stone was gone. GRRRRRRRR!!!!! But all in all, it was still a good party for what I could remember through the pain. hahaha

They grow up so fast... driving already.... :) She loves this little car. I used to take her to park on it every day, until one day she didn't want to leave the park, or get on the car to go home, so I had to carry her and push the car. We go to the park in the stroller now so that if she decides to have a tantrum, I don't have to carry her all the way home!

At the park showing off her sweater. When something is this much of a pain in the ** to knit, you better bet she's going to wear it out the minute I finish it!! lol

St Patty's day :)

 Her smiles are amazing.

She is just so much fun!!!

Surprisingly, she doesn't eat the sand. :)

I'm a lucky duck!

So after my last post about my job, or lack thereof, I have some much brighter news. I am starting a new job tomorrow. It has two really great things going for it! One, is that it is a job in e-learning, which I've been doing for a while and love! And two, and the best part of it by far is that it is WORK FROM HOME! :) The company has 18 employees, all of which work at home. They don't have an office, their headquarters is the CEO's house, and that's just how they roll.

I really hope this works out, because how perfect would this job be? No commute, I can walk Ashley to daycare ACROSS THE STREET! I'm in heaven just thinking about how much easier this will be than when I was working downtown, and Ash's daycare was halfway across the city.

Tomorrow is a big day. New job, new daycare, newish career direction.

I'm pretty happy right about now.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The job situation (formerly named "Where do I begin?"

I've been a terrible blogger. I can't believe so much time has gone by since my last post. I don't even know where to begin with updating, but I guess I can start with what has been some of the biggest challenges I'm facing so far as a person and as a parent.

On February 13th (give or take a day), I went back to work. I applied for a senior graphic design position with an Advertising firm, and after jumping through many hoops, I got the job. The catch was that the employer actually hired two people (myself and another guy) for the same position (although he kept us both on freelance terms, so not actual employees), but didn't guarantee a position to either of us. He basically had us competing against each other, and there was no competition from the get-go, I was never given a chance to show what I could do, the other guy was. From the day I started there, the other guy was working on actual design projects, I was given production work (aka: plopping text in documents that were already designed). The entire time I was there, that is all I did, so at the end of it all, there was no opportunity for me to really 'shine', I never designed anything.

Last Friday I was "laid off" due to lack of work. Work had slowed and I knew the end was coming, however, the real reason I was "laid off" was because there never was a possibility for me to be hired. As I was packing up my things the morning he laid me off, he basically accidentally revealed that he had no intentions of truly hiring me in the first place, he just needed someone to do production work while they were busy.

Though I could sit here and say that going to work for this a-hole was a gigantic waste of time, it really wasn't. He's a douche for 'leading me on', he could have just told me that there was no chance for a position, but that he wanted me to work contract, and I would have been fine with that, and not been hopeful... but I digress. I choose to look at the POSITIVE side of having gone back to work.

Being off for a whole year with my daughter was wonderful, and having to go back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The first two weeks of leaving my daughter in daycare (even though she was in a wonderful daycare with my aunt), I bawled my eyes out EVERY SINGLE DAY after I got her home and she went to bed. The hours of this job were crappy, and we only have one car. I wasn't getting home until 6, and DD goes to bed at 7. I was seeing my baby 1 hour + the car ride to work in the morning, when DH would drive around the whole city dropping everybody off (our daycare was across the city) just so that I could spend time with her. I felt like a horrible mother, a horrible person.... the whole experience was just HORRIBLE.... BUT...

As time wore on, things got better, I adapted, we all adjusted in to a schedule, DD was super happy at daycare, and thriving.. doing so well.

Now that I'm home again, I still can't escape a mother's guilt. Now that DD is home with me all day and we can't afford to even put her in daycare part time (because she really loves her daycare friends), I feel bad because all she has all day is me, and I know she must miss her little friends. I feel like her being with me will impede all the learning that she was doing with the other daycare children. I teach her, and I bring her to the park, and I try to give her all the things she got at daycare, but it's hard to find other children for her to play with. We have a really shoddy bus system where I live that only runs at peak hours, and we only have one car which DH takes to work because he works pretty far from where we live. I'd love to find a playgroup somewhere to take DD to a few times a week just so she can play with other children.

The other thing that I feel guilty about is being depressed around DD. I'm not happy about the job situation, but what is worse is that I have a great resume and portfolio, and I've applied to a million jobs and am getting nowhere. I only lost the job I had last Friday, but I've been job searching since January. I'm not trying to 'toot my own horn' here, but it's never taken me this long to find a job... EVER. My industry is in the toilet right now though, and everything is contract. If I try to work for myself, I just don't know if I can make enough money. If I take on jobs that I need day-time hours to work on, that means I'd have to put DD in daycare, but I can't work while she's running around, and that means that I need to make at least enough to pay for said daycare, and in general the whole working for myself thing just scares the living daylights out of me.

That being said, as I continue to job search, I'm thinking more and more of what my backup plan is going to be if I just can't find anything in my field. Do I go work at the grocery store evenings and weekends so I can care for DD during the day and never see my husband again? Do we sell our house and move in to something cheaper so that we can live off of one income and I do... ????? Do I attempt to start a home day-care so that I can care for DD and make a living at least until DD goes to school, then go back to school in three years to either update all the skills for my industry (which will hopefully be in a better state in 3 years), or change careers altogether (even though I have no idea what else I would do)? Maybe I stick with doing part-time contracts in the evening/weekends and hope to hell that I can drum up enough business to keep us afloat?

Though I have some faith that I will find something, or some solution eventually, living in limbo is hard. I was well-adjusted to being at work again. The initial was crappy, but by the end of it, I had the hang of it. I know that it will all work out again, but I'm in a mourning period... One that has continued since I was laid off from my job before my parental leave. I still miss that job, it was so perfect, and now I'm back to dealing with the horse poop that is job searching in a very tough job market.

Okay, so I've gone on and on about this job thing. Wow. I'm sorry, but I guess I really had/have a lot on my mind about it. I hate to sound all 'woe is me', and I hate that I use the word 'hate', and that I'm so negative when I'm trying to be positive. This is definitely not the best version of myself, and I am really glad that DD is young enough not to understand any of it. I am as happy as I can possibly be with her, and she reminds me every day of why the things in life are worth fighting for.

ETA: Since this post became all about my crappy job situation (or lack thereof), I have aptly named it so that I can put all the happy things with happy pictures of my beautiful girl in a happy post. :)

Thursday, January 3, 2013


Happy New Year! It's been far too long since I've updated, so I think it's time I get back on here.

First thing's first... We are TTC #2! :) I have to say "trying" loosely since I've just weaned DD and am waiting for a postpartum period, but once my body works it all out, we will be trying. I'm not charting or temping right away, and we're just going to try on our own for a while and see what happens. I'm optimistic that this time around will be better than the first time, and hopefully it will be quicker and easier.

DD is now 10 months old. Two months to her first birthday! It's so hard to believe, and time really does go by so fast. She is just a wonderful little girl. She's crazy busy, and has started taking her first steps here and there. She's so cute, and she just gets in to EVERYTHING, and as crazy as it gets here sometimes, I just love the whole experience to pieces, that little girl amazes me every single day. I love her so much.

We have been so blessed and fortunate in 2012. When I look back on the year, I'd definitely say it has been the best year of my life. I've grown to appreciate everything I have so much more than I ever have, and DD has really put a lot of things in to perspective for me and for DH as well. We are so happy.

Here's to hoping that 2013 brings even more greatness, but I'd be happy with the status quo. Life is good right now!

DD has grown so much! She's on the move, walking with assistance for the most part, but then every now and again she gets brave and let's go, and tries a few steps. She says 'dada' a lot, not necessarily in context, and she says 'mama' when she's upset, but that might just be the way her cries go. The other day I swear she said 'banana', and she was trying to copy me saying 'uh oh' today. So cute! She also waves, claps, throws her arms up as if to say "meh, whatever", and does high fives. And now, a picturefest! :)

Getting in to the presents. She did eventually rip this one open on Christmas Eve.
Got her a big giraffe for Christmas, she likes to flop on it.

Picture with Santa! She did such a great job! No tears!!!

Me and Ash wearing our Christmasy hats. :)
My little cutie pie. :)
DD absolutely loves garlic, and she loves garlic hummus. It's messy stuff though!
DD was the perfect model for my knitted hats. :)
This one is probably most fitting, since she really is a monkey!
But she makes a pretty darn cute giraffe too!
DD is talented. She plays the piano.... Okay, well she's plays the keys that control the sound wave in the exhibit at the museum of Science and Tech.. :)
Daddy and Ash. Seriously melts my heart... And yes, she is a spitting image of my husband. haha
In her big girl car seat!
We have gates all over our house... and she uses them ALL!! :)
Daddy and Ash at our favourite breakfast place. :)