Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I've had it with work.

I'm kind of sick of posting about this on the bump, so I'm going to get this off my chest once and for all.

I'm losing my job when I go on mat leave. I've known this for two months. My term ends in April, so I'll work up until my maternity leave, and then my job will cease to exist... awesome.

I can get over losing my job and all that jazz, but I can't get over how impossible it is becoming to want to work here until my leave. I'm less than two months away from going on leave, and I haven't had any motivation to work since I found out I was being laid off. I mean really... what is the point in working hard? It's not going to get me anywhere... To that end, what's the point of working at all? My time here is OVER.

That being said, obviously I need to make money up until my leave, and I guess that should be my motivation, but I'm so freakin' exhausted, bitchy and just generally don't give a crap about this place that it's tempting just to leave here a month early and say "Screw it".

DH thinks that is exactly what I should do, and maybe it is.... but I feel like then I would be losing a month that I could spend with the baby when she's here. I'm fortunate enough that I will have 11 months of leave, since DH is only taking 1 month of it, but if I use a month of mat leave (before the baby gets here), then I have 10 months with the baby when she's actually here. That's still a lot I realize when you compare my leave to what other people in other countries have... but since I have no job to return to, I could really use the 11 months, because I'm sure 6-8 months of that will be taking care of the baby, and the rest would be for trying to find another job.

This post is really pointless and I realize it's kind of just a jumble of thoughts, but it's just bugging the crap out of me.

I just hate going to work every single day thinking to myself "WHY AM I HERE!??????". I'm disappointed that this job is ending, because I worked my ass off to get it, and after 2 and a half years of working here, they're just going to drop me out on my ass all due to government cutbacks. I could understand if I was a shitty employee, but I'm not!!! My boss loves me!!! Unfortunately, he doesn't get to make the decision over whether I stay or go, and the people who do make those decisions have no idea who I am or what I do. They just see me as a number on a list in a department.. and since I'm term, I'm the first to go.

I have no idea what my future holds. I only pray that DH doesn't get caught up in the same fate as I do since he also works for the government, and his job could be at just as much risk as mine was (even though he is a permanent employee).

Working for the government was supposed to be the stable and secure choice.... Yeah right. This entire city is a government town, and the government now wants to take down all the public service jobs. There are not enough jobs in the private sector to accommodate the amount of job losses that are scheduled to come down in February.

You know... if I was smart, I would have taken a job in Calgary or something where the government will be less affected by cuts, and DH could have gone there too with his job... but with a baby on the way, I didn't want to be far from family, and all of our family lives here in this dead-end freakin' city.

Again... sorry this is all a big jumbalaya... I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm hormonal, pissed off, can't sleep to save my life, and this working while pregnant stuff SUCKS MONKEY NUTS!!!!!

Okay... I think I'm done.

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry about the work situation :( I can understand how it's difficult to be motivated. Hopefully you can stay focused on baby things instead until she gets here!