A busy weekend ahead!

So, I made myself a drop spindle (see a couple posts back if you're wondering what that is), but either it's just really crappy, or I have no idea what I'm doing.

I decided to take a lesson with a lady from this really great knitting shop I go to so I can learn how it's done. She only charges $10/hr, so that's awesome! I can't wait to go this Saturday at 3pm.

On Sunday, I'll be participating in a 35km cycle for sick children. Two years ago I did the 70km, which was WAY too hard especially since I had a mountain bike! This year, I have a hybrid, and 35km is enough :)

I hope for nice weather, and most importantly for Sunday.. NO WIND!

I HATE PCOS.

Today's appointment was just a big fail.

The technician was terrible, and she wouldn't talk to me. I had to ask her twice just to find out if I had any measurable follicles.

I had one.... but it was under 10mm on CD14, and I had a ton of small follicles typical to PCOS.

This just plain sucks.

Dear Fertility God

Please let me see one fantastic follie in there today! Or maybe two, but preferably one. And please let that follie be a good one that will turn in to a baby. :)

Monitoring Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be CD14, which is the first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I've been feeling some discomfort in the area of my left ovary, so I'm thinking I will ovulate on that side. I hope that by some miracle, I have already ovulated, and can pleasantly find myself in the two week wait knowing that I will have had good timing.

I really hope that this third time is a charm, and that we don't have to do this again.. or worse.. move on to something else.

This cycle, the Clomid really hasn't affected me at all. The last two times I had a whole bunch of horrible side effects, but this time, other than being tired from CD3-7, I've really been okay. Even the mood swings have been minimal.

I hope this is it. I just want to be pregnant. I know I say that every cycle, but I just need this to happen.

I'm being crafty

So at lunch time I made this. What is THIS? (You might ask)

It's a makeshift drop spindle to spin yarn on. Drop spindles and spinning wheels were a lot more pricey than I originally thought, and it cost me 3 bucks to make this one.. so I figure I'll try this out to see if I even like it before I spend any larger amounts of $$ on it.

I've trimmed the long edge down a bit because it was too long, but I think it will work.

I can't wait to go home and try this! It seems like making my own yarn would be awesome!

Socks!

I guess I haven't really put up any knitting recently, and I haven't done much because we've been busy with all the renovations, but I have started knitting socks. This is my first sock. The pattern I used was so wrong, I ended up having to restart over and over until I figured out how to fill in the gaps that the silly pattern left.

Anyway, I think it turned out great. Now I just have to make the other one... ugh... lol They take forever!

Clomid + impossible task = RAGE

Okay, so I'm being a little dramatic.

I stopped knitting for a bit and now I'm hooked back on it making socks. I am interested in spinning my own yarn, and someone sends me a coupon to take a class in spinning. So, I start looking in to the costs of spinning, and am surprised to find out how much a spinning wheel costs. I was thinking... meh... 50 bucks? Ummm.. WRONG. Used, I was able to find a few under $200.

SO.. I looked for alternatives. I'm not looking to become a wool factory, I just want to make a few skeins of yarn here and there.

I came across a "drop spindle", which I think might be what I'm looking for. I figured I'd look around to see how much they cost.... I can't find any ANYWHERE.

Ugh.. I hate that Canada seems to have so few things related to knitting, it's so frustrating! I ended up finding one on Amazon, but the cost of shipping was ridiculous!

Grrrrr... I need to find a place that sells them here, but I think that it's probably a wild goose chase that will go nowhere.

Knock on wood

I'm probably jinxing myself by even writing this post, but so far, this round of Clomid has been relatively low on side-effects. It has made me extremely tired, but I'll take tired over headaches, mood swings and nausea any day. This IS only my second day though, so watch... now I'll get whooped right in the bum.

The Bike Is Out

I'm going to start biking to work again this year. It's about 50kms a day, and it was liberating when I did it last year. I am not in the shape that I want to be in, and I get more and more depressed about it every day, so it's time to get my activity levels back up. NO EXCUSES.

The only kind of fat I'm accepting on myself will be the fat I have when I'm pregnant. Until then, I want this extra weight OFF.

!

No more blogging during the day... *sigh*

So, my work stopped allowing blogger which kind of sucks, because now I can't post during the day, and I can't read anyone else's blogs during the day. I know it's work, and I understand why they do it, but it's still annoying nonetheless.

Not much has occurred since my last post. Still waiting for a new cycle to start so I can start Clomid.

I'm just trying to kill time right now before I bring my cat (Noodles) in to the vet. I came home and one of his eyes is all swolen, scabby and red. I'm assuming it's just allergies because we've had a lot of extra dust in the house with the renovations, but I figure I'd best be on the safe side and bring him to the vet in case it's something more serious. I see a ginormous vet bill in my future... and if that's not today, then it will be at the end of the month when both cats and the dog are due for their yearly exams. Yuck.

Pet ownership certainly is rewarding, but damn.... it's freakin' expensive. They're lucky they're so damn cute. :)

Well, Hello Clomid!

I went back to the RE today! I've come to terms with the fact that my body refuses to make a baby by itself, and I'm tired of waiting.

After discussing different treatment options (because Clomid makes me sick), I decided that the alternatives weren't much better... So I'm going to deal with the side effects, and we'll be starting round 3 as soon as my new cycle begins. Today is CD47, here's to hoping that I'm nearing the end of it and don't end up having to take Provera!

I'm excited to be back here oddly enough. At least I can feel like I have a real chance at making this happen!

I will be charting my progress, and will be doing proper monitoring to make sure that we're doing everything we can to up the odds.

On another note:

My brother and I were able to resolve whatever the hell brought on that horrible fight the other day. After talking to each other, we both revealed things about ourselves that we didn't know.. and I told him about us having trouble TTC.

He emailed me back after that, and said that he had discussed our fight with his wife. This doesn't really surprise me, because I'd discussed it with DH. LOL He also told her about us having trouble TTC, and she offered that if we ever need it, she would be a surrogate for us in a heartbeat.

The sentiment is there, and she is an amazing person for not even blinking with that response.. but I had to laugh a little. I told my brother that his wife was extremely generous, but that really isn't something we'd be willing to consider.

I think it's funny how people automatically jump to that conclusion. She is the second person to have offered to be a surrogate to us. I also told them that we are likely a long way off from ever having to make that decision.

Infertility is a very strange thing, and it's a very strange conversation to have with anyone... especially my brother, but I was very surprised at how understanding he was, especially after having told me that I needed to grow up. LOL

Things are good now on all fronts. In the last couple of months I've managed to take care of my anxiety and DH has managed to get his ADD completely under control. We've managed to get a ton of work done on the house, including new basement, new furniture in the basement, new furnace, new roof, new kitchen extension and soon to have new floors throughout the house.

Can't wait to get all this stuff done, and then hopefully still have time to put together a baby's room should this cycle work out for us!!!!

My Douchey Brother

Last night, our furnace broke.

Let me preface this by saying that financially, this is not an issue, DH and I have the money to pay for what we have.

I do work for my brother from time to time, and on January 26th, I sent him an invoice for the work that I did. March 17th, I emailed him asking if he could just let me know when the invoice would be paid out. He did not respond to the email. He's either ignored or deflected any other attempts I've made at trying to get him to respond (which is hard to do since I never see him, or when I do see him, it's at a family function where talking about business is inappropriate). Also, he never answers his phone, and he screens all his calls.

So yesterday, after my furnace broke, I was pissed that we'd have to dig in to our savings to fix it, especially when my brother owes me money that I've been chasing after for months. I emailed my brother again asking him when I can expect the invoice because it has been well over 60 days and told him that we could use the extra cash at the moment because we have a furnace to fix.

Though I agree that I shouldn't have mentioned the furnace, I was just pissed about it... he completely stepped out of line for no reason. He basically said "Why the fuck would I give a shit about your furnace?" Then he told me to grow up, and live within my means so that I can afford shit like this. Then he said that I should go cry to mom and dad to bail me out of my situation.

Ummmm.... this is all completely out of left field. I don't ask my parents for anything, and I haven't since I was in college well over 6 years ago. My parents are retired, and I'm well aware that they can't afford to "bail" me out of anything, so I wouldn't ask them to. My brother knows absolutely nothing about my situation in any respect, and certainly not financially, so for him to come up with that is very literally out of nowhere.

I emailed him and told him he was out of line, and that he had no idea what he was talking about. I also told him that the bottom line to all of this was that I have an invoice that is unpaid, and I have been patient, and he needs to pay his freakin' bills before he talks to me about "going beyond my means".

I have the succinct feeling that he's already spent the money that he owes me, and now he's pissed because he has to come up with the cash to pay me.

We went back and forth with hurtful emails for a while (or rather, he did) and I've come to the conclusion that he is working with some repressed ill feelings that he has about his life, and for some reason, out of nowhere I have become his outlet for that.

I thought about it last night, and the more I think, the more I start to see that he is angry about how his life has turned out. His last email to me was him telling me about all the problems that he has, and all the medications that he's on because of his depression, and basically how shitty his life is (which again, has nothing to do with the invoice he hasn't paid). He's trying to make me feel guilty for asking for it.

I felt like telling him that his life is shitty because of the choices that he made. He had the same opportunities growing up that I did, but he made certain choices in his life that he has now come to regret, and it's eating him alive.

I can be a compassionate person, and I feel sorry for him that he has to deal with that, but one thing has nothing to do with the other. I felt like telling him that maybe he is the one that needs to grow up and and deal with the situation that he put himself in.

I am so mad at him right now. I know that everything he emailed me last night had nothing to do with the invoice I asked him for. The comments he made showed nothing but anger and jealousy on his part. The only thing that I can relate his "crying to mom and dad" statement to is the fact that I lived at home when I was in college. I paid for my own schooling, but he feels that I have it easy, and that I always have.... but he won't take responsibility for the choices that he made in his life that have contributed to where he is now. He could have had things just as easy, but he chose not to whether he wants to admit to that or not.

Reality Bites

I've decided that I've waited long enough believing that there was still a good chance I would get pregnant without fertility treatments. As much as I dislike Clomid, I'm calling my RE today to make an appointment to go back on it, since despite all the side effects, it was working.

I'm at CD44 without charting, and AF is seemingly nowhere in sight. I've wasted countless time/money/energy on taking HPTs that are of course all negative.

Over the weekend, we went out for breakfast twice where I was surrounded by pregnant people or people with young children, and all I can think about is how badly I want to be those people.

It's my time. It's going to happen this time. Clomid is going to work, and I am going to get pregnant and put this infertility mess behind me!!!