Something new!

Almost done this first glove, it just needs a thumb. I've never made gloves before... or knitted with more than one colour really, except for the gingerbread man thing.. but that was so that I could make these.... so not bad!!!

Hope for the future :)

My husband FINALLY got his official papers to sign to accept a PERMANENT position in his workplace. This comes after 4 1/2 YEARS of contracting to them before he could get permanency, at less than half the salary that he should have been making, so this is AMAZING news for us. :) He will have a significant pay increase, and his trip back to school will totally be put to use, I couldn't be happier for him.

I feel like maybe good things are starting to come our way, and that maybe things really will just fall in to place. If I could just get my job at permanent status, and then pregnant, everything would be freakin' fantastic.... but we'll take whatever we can get!

The Great TTC Crash of 2010

The last round of Clomid was another fail. I sort of went off my rocker a bit when AF hit, and I gave up on everything. Sometimes I just get so melodramatic momentarily that I just fly off the handle, then reel myself in.

I've decided to break from TTC. I don't know how long for sure, but I'm assuming anywhere from 6 months to a year.

That being said, we're not TTA exactly either, so, I'm heading in to whatever happens happens territory.

I've just decided that I just can't be this person that I've become who obsesses over every.single.little.ttc.thing. With Clomid I've gained somewhere between 15-20lbs, I'm not sure because I refuse to get on a scale. Also, I haven't really truly felt happy for some time, and I think it's just all the stress that I've been imposing on myself with TTC.

So, for now, I'm stepping back for forums, from charts, from temps, and from all other wonderful things TTC (except sex of course, LOL), and we'll just see how things roll.

If we're still nowhere in another 6mths-1yr, then I'll go back to the RE. So that's the plan, Stan.

Knitting for the holidays

So.. I've never knit with three colours before, and this is my first try.

It's a cup wrap thing, so that you don't burn your hands when you're holding a coffee (in a paper cup, though I didn't have one around to show it on, so here it is on this glorious martini shaker).

I sketched out the gingerbread guy on a grid, then attempted to transfer my drawing to knitting. Worked okay... sort of.... LOL

Today on Uterus Weekly

7 DPO, and halfway through the 2 week wait... that is if my LP ends up being 14 days, but it's usually 10-11. Only time will tell. :)

So far, I'm doing pretty good. I haven't had any phantom symptoms to drive me bonkers just yet, so I'm able to stay sane.

I forgot to temp this a.m since I slept in the spare room to get better sleep, so I've decided to just not chart the 2ww. I hope to avoid analyzing everything. If I make it to 14dpo, then I will test.. and hopefully I won't cave before then. :)

Today, on Days of Our Ovaries

Today on Days of Our Ovaries, Ya Never Know woke up to the third temperature rise that allowed Fertility Friend to add dotted crosshairs to her chart, putting her at 3dpo.

Next week on Days of Our Ovaries, Ya Never Know enters the two week wait, and gets overwhelmed with phantom symptoms. Can she cope? Or will she crack and pee on a stick way too early to even tell if she's pregnant, then obsessively test every day after?

And the answer to the biggest question this soap opera face will be revealed approximately 9-11 days from now... Will Ya Never Know get her BFP?

Stay tuned.

Pretty Knits :)

I found this hat pattern online. It was $7 for the pattern, and I bought it from http://www.deepsouthfibers.com

If you're a knitter looking for some patterns that are a little more modern than some of the stuff out there, I highly recommend taking a look through their patterns.

They're a little pricy, but at least the pattern is well explained, unlike the evil free hat pattern I pulled off a reputable magazine's website.

A Little Disappointed, But I'll Live

I watched a youtube video about PCOS this morning, and it was so depressing that I decided not to post it here. It was supposed to be inspirational, but it just pointed out all of the things that PCOS is. I was doing a pretty good job at ignoring all the rest of PCOS and just focusing on the infertility part of it until just now.

Ugh. I seriously need to start getting on that exercise plan that I keep promising myself I'm going to stick to. I cancelled my gym membership because it was expensive, but I can run for free, and I think I need to get on it.

I think I have this stupid idea in my head that if I start running now, that it could affect my chances of getting pregnant this cycle, but I think this every cycle... and I think at this point, screw it, I just need to get off my ass and get moving. I sit almost 24 hours a day between my job, and my at-home laziness.

Maybe it was a good thing that the video made me feel fat, among other things.

Patterns that make me go crazy

THIS PATTERN

may in fact make me go crazy. The pattern that I had before this one was even worse, and it was from Bernat (they make yarn, I would have thought they would know what they were doing)!!

This pattern in general is one where you have to constantly look at the pattern, which is annoying enough, but where the cables go in, the pattern is screwy there. I -THINK- I figured it out, but who knows. It sort of looks wrong to me, but I used this alpaca yarn that you can't really make out the pattern with anyway, so I guess it will cover my mistakes.

Oh Clomid, how I hate thee

I've decided that if this cycle doesn't result in a BFP, then I'm asking the RE to switch to something else. Being dizzy, nauseous, light sensitive etc.. is seriously not helping my work days fly by staring at a computer, especially since the symptoms seem to last up until O, which is usually about 20 days. 20 days/cycle is not something I'm willing to put up with at this point.

Nothing to see here

Well, CD13 is here, which means..... absolutely nothing really. I have some hopes that I will O early this cycle. Last clomid cycle, I O'd on CD19, which is early for me, but here's to hoping that it happens even earlier.

There's a good chance that I could get pregnant this cycle, and that would be because it wouldn't exactly be the ideal time to get pregnant, LOL Meh, I'll take what I can get.

Since I'm going to Halifax Nov 15-19, I'm suspecting that I'll get pregnant and have the worst morning sickness by then, then have to climb aboard a small 6 passenger CESSNA plane that will probably make me even sicker.

I don't -really- care about any of that, but you know.... I couldn't have gotten pregnant sometime in the last two years where it might have been a little more convenient? haha... Oh well, beggars can't be choosers I guess.

Continental Knitting Just Made My Day

I wanted to find a way to knit faster, so I googled and came up with "Continental Knitting". I can't wait to get home and try it out because it looks like it will be SO much faster than what I've been doing.

If you're a knitter, and you haven't done continental knitting before, check out this video! It's easy to do, and will save you loads of time!!

Here we go again!

Well, I stopped obsessing over my chart since my last post, since the cycle ended. *Cue disappointment sound effects here*

The results from the doctor showed that I did O on my last round of Clomid, so... that is good news. We are now on to round 2 of Clomid. Here's to hoping that this round turns out better than the last one! :D

Confuzzled

I give up on trying to decipher my chart this time around. I was sick, it messed with my temperatures, and now I can't tell if I've actually O'd, and am 14dpo (which has never happened, I've never made it to 14dpo), or if I haven't O'd, or if I O'd later.

O brother.

Waiting

This week is just a week of waiting. As I sit here already waiting in a possible 2ww, I am also anxiously waiting for Thursday, when I will get Clomid results from my RE from our first round back in August, and Friday, when I have a day off (even if it will be spent gutting the house for the guests we'll have on Saturday).

I should be used to waiting by now. TTC is just one huge waiting process. It either teaches you patience, or drives you nuts.

Here's to hoping this week just whooooshes by.

Knitting for my niece

This is my first cable knitting project. I was delighted to find out just how easy cabling is, because it adds so much to a project.

I finished making this hat in one day on Saturday for my 9 year old niece, and I'm also going to make her a pair of mitts out of the same yarn to match. I am having trouble trying to figure out the measurements for a 9 year old's hands though. She's pretty tall, I'm thinking a women's small should do the trick.

I absolutely LOVE the yarn too. This hat is supposed to be for an adult (which is why I showed it on me, please excuse bad hair day), and it's supposed to be beanie-style, but I like it better as a child's hat. :)

Cabling!

I am so excited! I'm starting to learn how to do cable knitting. I'm starting out by making a cabled basic hat/toque. The good thing about cabling is that most baby boy clothes/vests etc.. all seem to have cabled patterns (all the ones I like anyway), and so now I'll finally be able to make something!! I find that baby boy clothes are hard to come by because they always look pretty feminine. My goal is to learn it... use it. :)

The Epitomy of Cuteness

So here I am knitting up all these big people mittens, then I thought that they would be a perfect gift for my 9 year old niece. So... I started making a "small" pattern. Well.... they're turning out WAY too small for a 9 year old, but they're so cute!!

No one in our family is that young, so I'll likely sell them later on etsy or something, but every time I look at them, I just go.. "awwwwww".

Knitting for babies = FUN!!

I may not be a mom yet, but through friends, I am immersed in baby culture.

Apparently cloth diapering is all the rage, and new mommies are going gaga over diaper covers, and soakers.

I've wanted to try circular knitting for a while, so I figured making baby longies is perfect. They don't take too long, are relatively easy to knit, and to top it off, I bought a stitch book so that I could try to customize the look of the patterns.

This is the result of them so far, they're coming along pretty well! I used 100% Canadian Wool because apparently wool has great absorbency properties. :)

I customized the bottom of the legs with a checker pattern that you can see here:

After I do a stitch count, I may also do this pattern at the top of the pants, but it will depend if the pattern will work with the amount of stitches I have.

Hopefully if I get better/faster at making these, I can start selling some stuff on Etsy. To get it to this point took me 2 days, but.... I had to start over several times, and I've never used circulars before.... :)

Optimism

Well as a second more ttc related post, I am happy to report that I've been feeling a lot more optimistic this week about all things baby. My doctor pushed back our appointment now to October 7th, which is kind of annoying but not having to stress about appointments has been nice.

I started charting temps again this cycle, and I find I'm not obsessed with everything as I usually am. I am hopeful that maybe we'll get lucky this cycle, but if it doesn't happen, then I guess it doesn't happen. I feel better with that outlook, then the do or die outlook I've previously been sporting.... so not hot.

Baby Knits!

So, I've decided to start knitting baby clothes to sell on etsy. I've been knitting mittens to give away as Christmas presents, but after the third pair, I'm ready to do something else. I've been searching around for good patterns for diaper covers and pants, but everything seems to be straight knitting, and I want a challenge.

I've never knit on circulars before, so I'd kind of like to find something that I can do with those. A friend of mine just made a pair of soakers, and the pattern was awesome, I may or may not snag it from her. Muahaha

Here are some things I have previously made. :)

Wavy Baby Blanket:

I got this pattern free off of ravelry.com (crochet), and made this blanket for my friend and gave it to her at her baby shower. I'm really happy with how it turned out, though I forgot to take a pic of the final product (doh!)

I made these baby booties, this is the first attempt. I also made a pair out of the same material as the blanket above, and they were really neat looking. Gave them to the same friend since it matched the blanky. :)

Crochet squares blanket:

This was intended to be a much larger blanket, but when I got to the end of the pattern, I decided to stop there, so now it's just a throw. I'm currently making a king size blanket in a different pattern, it should be done..... oh... some 100 years from now. ;)

Mittens!!

These are the mittens! I just learned how to knit with double pointed needles, so I think they turned out awesome considering. I also have another color to make in red. I used 100% Canadian Wool for these, they are warm and toasty. I may have to knit another pair to put in my own stocking!!

Sometimes, I am the green monster.

There are some days where everything just seems impossible. You think that you have all your ducks in a row, but when you take a closer look, you see that not all of your ducks are ducks.

When this moment of clarity hits, my first response is to feel angry. I feel like I've been cheated of an easy way to live life carefree. It seems like everyone around me gets whatever they want, and I don't ask for much, but still have to struggle for the crumbs when everyone else gets the whole pie.

I try not to look at life that way, but sometimes it's just hard. We're struggling enough with just trying to find the "right time" to have a family, and just as we think that we've got it figured out and we're moving forward, there's always something that seems to come up and bite us in the butt... an unexpected bill, a phone call, a contract at work...

There's so much that is already so difficult in life, why does having a family have to be so difficult too?

A Little Load Off My Mind

Today, my boss told me that after November 2nd, my contract at work will be extended for 6 months. This is very good news. I had hoped for a longer contract, but I'll take what I can get if it means that I don't have to worry about it for a while, and that my husband and I can continue with trying to get pregnant with just a little less stress on the horizon.

That being said, I'm stressing out something awful right now waiting to hear what will happen at my husband's neurologist appointment. They are/have been testing him to see if he has multiple sclerosis. Last appointment (3 years ago), they said they weren't sure if that's what it was, so we'll have to see with probably more testing. His appointment was at 9 am, and it's 10:48am now, and I'm on edge just waiting for a phone call. I know we won't really get any more definitive news today, but it still makes me nervous.

Oh life... is bigger... It's bigger than you (R.E.M.)

I think I need to slow down when the rest of the world wants me to move faster.

My husband and I live fairly well, and on our main incomes, we make enough to pay all of the bills, but to give ourselves extra for fun, we work harder and longer.

I work 37 hours a week at my day job, then I go home to work on Freelance work pretty much from the time I get home to the time I go to bed. I have acquired quite a few clients to keep me busy at home over the years, and sometimes, it can truly be overwhelming. It can get to the point where I just totally lose interest in doing it at all despite the money that it brings in.

My husband is fine with me letting some of the work go so that I can just relax when I get home, but with my current job situation, it’s not really beneficial that I do so. Once I stop doing the work for my clients, they’ll go elsewhere and if this job doesn’t pan out, then it would be good to have them to fall back on.

That being said, I guess I just really need to “hang tight” until November, and if they renew my contract, I can re-evaluate the side-work that I’m doing, and maybe just unwind.

I work hard, I really do, and I think I need and deserve the break, even if that means losing the clients in November. I can’t see myself working this hard for the rest of my working life. If I kept this up, then when I have kids, I’d never have any fun with them because I’d be too busy, and I’d be grouchy all the time and that is just not what I want the future to be.

I just wish I could land my main career/main job so I didn’t have to worry about all of this. Or maybe I’m just worrying too much about everything and I should seek counselling.

Who knew life would still remain so confusing heading in to 30?

Clomid Round 1 = Fail

Though I won't fully know the results of Clomid (ie.: whether I actually ovulated) until the 24th of September, because I had to push back my appointment, I do know that this round was a fail.

We won't be doing round 2 of Clomid until November-ish. I want to find out what the outcome of my job situation will be before we immerse ourselves in more monitoring appointments. So for September and October, I'm going to put the focus on my job. We're still going to be TTC, and I'll be charting, we just won't be doing any medicated cycles.