Moving forward

I'm happy to report that since my last blog post, DH is back at work. The whole debacle was really ridiculous, but I'm glad things got sorted out. He did miss out on an opportunity while he was on forced leave, which really sucks, and really wasn't fair, but at the end of the day, he's employed and that's what matters, we'll go from there.

After this whole job thing, we've been taking a much closer look at our budgeting and our plans for the future. We want to have a second child, but it would mean another 3 years of daycare costs and little breathing room. We're trying to decide whether we just suck it up and live with the tight budget, or sell our house and move in to something cheaper that would give us more flexibility. It's a tough decision, as I love where we are now, but I'd also like to be able to worry less about the financial aspects of life. Ideally, we need to make a decision before DD starts school in 2016, so we have some time, and no baby #2 would be in daycare before DD was out. 2 kids in full time daycare? Nope!

Anyway, just wanted to post a brief update to my last post. Things are a lot less stressful at the moment, which is really really nice.

Rough couple of weeks

We're waiting to hear on whether or not my husband will keep his job. I won't go in to the details of why his job is in question, but suffice it to say that the last week and a bit has been super stressful, and waiting to find out what happens is really hard. We should hopefully hear by the end of this week, as it stands DH is at home, fortunately with pay. This could go either way. I'm praying he gets to keep his job so that we don't have to move, because without his income, there is no way we can stay here. I am getting ahead of myself though.

I'm home from work today, as DD woke up with a fever, and I stayed home with her even though DH is home because a) I'm super stressed, and b) nothing was going on at work anyway, which also stresses me out. Oh, and my kid being sick, that stresses me out too.

I'm really terrible at waiting for outcomes, I wish this would just happen faster so we can move on and figure out what's next.

My daughter is 2!

I haven't posted on this blog in a really long time. Probably in just about a year. So many great things have happened in my life since then, and it feels good to be able to write that.

When I finished my maternity leave, I had no job to go back to. It left me feeling pretty scared and depressed. In a few other posts on this blog I went through how I got to the current job I'm in, so I won't repeat it all, I'll just say that I'm still in the last job I ended up with, and I'm loving it.

I worked from home contracting to this employer for about 6 months, at which time the company was growing, so much so that they bought an office and have moved some of the staff into it. I was one of them. The new office is only 3.5 kilometers from my house, and I'm happy to be back working in an office. Also, I'm no longer a contractor, I was hired on as a FULL TIME EMPLOYEE in January. This was such amazing news for us, as I really prefer full time work to contract, and I've always wanted to be able to walk or bike to work in the warmer months and now I can! I started biking/running/walking in the fall and it was amazing, I just need this horrible winter to leave so I can do it again. The new location is also great, because my running buddy works two doors down from me, and we have a nature trail that starts right beside the buildings that we run in at lunch in the summer.

Enough about that, now for the really really good stuff! My daughter just turned 2!! We joke around that technically she isn't even 1 yet because she's a leap day baby... and oh only if I could turn back time some days, she's growing so fast, but nope.... SHE'S 2!

We had a party for her on Saturday, and she knew it was her day. My parents got her an outfit with a Tutu skirt and she was so proud to wear it. Whenever someone came in the door, she'd put her little belly out and point at herself saying "me". haha She was so excited and in such a great mood all weekend. She received many great gifts from family and friends, and T and I got her a plasma car. I can't wait for winter to end so that we can get outside with her again. I miss the park, the sun, the splash pad... and I know all of that is going to be even more fun this year since she's actually old enough to do more outdoors.

I just love my baby girl to pieces, and her turning two definitely invoked some mixed feelings. I'm definitely excited that she's growing, but also a part of me can't help but feel a little sad that she's growing so quickly. But I'm more happy than anything. She's a bubbly girl, she's strong and she's full of life and character. She surprises us every day with new things she's learned, or that epic 2 year old tantrum every now and again. haha She brings joy everywhere she goes. She is just amazing.

Here she is, my smart and beautiful 2 year old!

Also, this is a picture of A's cake. I have to put this in here, because I made it entirely myself. I've never done anything like this before, but saw a tutorial online for making a cake transfer on wax paper with buttercream icing. It worked out amazing! I'm so impressed with myself! haha A absolutely loved her cake (as she is obsessed with Dora). She didn't like the singing, or the candles, or dark though... my bad, we probably shouldn't have turned the lights off, it just scared her, and she's already shy to begin with, so the bunch of people all singing at once in the dark... BUT Dora saved the day. :)

Working from home is weird

I started my new job on Monday. Got my home office all set up, new desk, new chair. I went to my work's 'headquarters' (which is the CEO's house), did a couple hours of training, then I went home. I've been home since, and today is the first day I've heard any word from them. They sent me home Monday and just told me to poke around in their files for a bit and familiarize myself... So I've been doing that all week thinking.... Is this a real job? Is anyone going to email me and give me something else to do? haha

This is definitely an adjustment. It's a positive one, but I'm just used to the boss-breathing-down-your-neck approach... so not having that is just a very weird feeling.

I don't really know what my job is exactly. I was hired to work in rapid development, but they decided not to pursue the client they were going after, so now I won't be doing that — at least not right away.

Oh well, I really can't complain. It's weird, but it's also awesome. DD's daycare is across the street! I'm in heaven.

Except of course when I leave her in the morning and she has a full on "mommy don't leave me" fit... But by the end of the day she forgets all about it.

Ashley Pants Bananas!

It has been a while since I've done an Ashley update, so here goes!

Ashley is amazing. Plain and simple. She is everything that is awesome in life all rolled up in to a squishable, kissable, huggable little package. She's 14 months old, and she is just the world. Our days are filled with laughter, even when we're exhausted, because she's just such a character, and her personality... she is just so cute! AhhhHHH!!!! :)

She's been walking since she was about 10.5 months old. We took her to San Francisco somewhere around 10 months, and when we got back, she must have been happy to see her home and her floors that she could run around on, because she got right to it. :) Travelling with her was great! We weren't sure how it would play out... long plane ride, 4 hour layover after missing our connection, but she did great through it all! She even adjusted to the time change. :)

She's been saying mama and dada for a while, but right now everything is "Ya!!!!!!!!!" Ashley, would you like a yogurt tube? YA!!!!!!!! Want a bath? YA!!!!!!!! Should mommy eat this chocolate covered decadent thing that will make her fat? YA!!!!!! Ya???? YA!!!!! hahaha At least she's not saying no? She also quacks like a duck, oinks like a pig, meows like a cat, and we think she says cat, dog, all done, thank you, and a bunch of mumbly stuff we can't understand yet. She doesn't need words most of the time, she's pretty good at communicating what she does and doesn't want.

With the nice weather we're having, she wants to live outside. I like that. I also want to live outside. We may attempt a one-nighter of camping at the end of this summer to see how she does.

Okay, on to the pictures!! :) They're in whatever order blogger plugs them in, because I only have a bit of time to do this, lol

Fish face!! I have a book that we read that has a fish in it. Every time I point to the fish, she looks up at me because she knows I'm going to make the fish face. Her favorite face to imitate other than scrunch face.

 This is from today. We had a picnic in the park since it was so nice out.. She LOVED it.

Ashley in her dress that I made her that is made with yarn that is way too thick for summer. :( Hopefully there will be a cooler day here and there before she grows out of it, since apparently it is summer here right now.

 

 Yogurt face. Enough said.

This is Ashley on her first birthday. I'm disappointed that I didn't get more pictures of this day. If I look like crap in this photo, it's because Murphy's law says that I have to get my first kidney stone ever on my daughter's first birthday. I made it through her birthday party (which was AWESOME), and then went to emergency where I promptly given an injection of morphine and an IV drip... and wouldn't you know, the next day, the stone was gone. GRRRRRRRR!!!!! But all in all, it was still a good party for what I could remember through the pain. hahaha

They grow up so fast... driving already.... :) She loves this little car. I used to take her to park on it every day, until one day she didn't want to leave the park, or get on the car to go home, so I had to carry her and push the car. We go to the park in the stroller now so that if she decides to have a tantrum, I don't have to carry her all the way home!

 

 

At the park showing off her sweater. When something is this much of a pain in the ** to knit, you better bet she's going to wear it out the minute I finish it!! lol

 

St Patty's day :)

 

 Her smiles are amazing.

 

She is just so much fun!!!

 

Surprisingly, she doesn't eat the sand. :)

I'm a lucky duck!

So after my last post about my job, or lack thereof, I have some much brighter news. I am starting a new job tomorrow. It has two really great things going for it! One, is that it is a job in e-learning, which I've been doing for a while and love! And two, and the best part of it by far is that it is WORK FROM HOME! :) The company has 18 employees, all of which work at home. They don't have an office, their headquarters is the CEO's house, and that's just how they roll.

I really hope this works out, because how perfect would this job be? No commute, I can walk Ashley to daycare ACROSS THE STREET! I'm in heaven just thinking about how much easier this will be than when I was working downtown, and Ash's daycare was halfway across the city.

Tomorrow is a big day. New job, new daycare, newish career direction.

I'm pretty happy right about now.

The job situation (formerly named "Where do I begin?"

I've been a terrible blogger. I can't believe so much time has gone by since my last post. I don't even know where to begin with updating, but I guess I can start with what has been some of the biggest challenges I'm facing so far as a person and as a parent.

On February 13th (give or take a day), I went back to work. I applied for a senior graphic design position with an Advertising firm, and after jumping through many hoops, I got the job. The catch was that the employer actually hired two people (myself and another guy) for the same position (although he kept us both on freelance terms, so not actual employees), but didn't guarantee a position to either of us. He basically had us competing against each other, and there was no competition from the get-go, I was never given a chance to show what I could do, the other guy was. From the day I started there, the other guy was working on actual design projects, I was given production work (aka: plopping text in documents that were already designed). The entire time I was there, that is all I did, so at the end of it all, there was no opportunity for me to really 'shine', I never designed anything.

Last Friday I was "laid off" due to lack of work. Work had slowed and I knew the end was coming, however, the real reason I was "laid off" was because there never was a possibility for me to be hired. As I was packing up my things the morning he laid me off, he basically accidentally revealed that he had no intentions of truly hiring me in the first place, he just needed someone to do production work while they were busy.

Though I could sit here and say that going to work for this a-hole was a gigantic waste of time, it really wasn't. He's a douche for 'leading me on', he could have just told me that there was no chance for a position, but that he wanted me to work contract, and I would have been fine with that, and not been hopeful... but I digress. I choose to look at the POSITIVE side of having gone back to work.

Being off for a whole year with my daughter was wonderful, and having to go back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The first two weeks of leaving my daughter in daycare (even though she was in a wonderful daycare with my aunt), I bawled my eyes out EVERY SINGLE DAY after I got her home and she went to bed. The hours of this job were crappy, and we only have one car. I wasn't getting home until 6, and DD goes to bed at 7. I was seeing my baby 1 hour + the car ride to work in the morning, when DH would drive around the whole city dropping everybody off (our daycare was across the city) just so that I could spend time with her. I felt like a horrible mother, a horrible person.... the whole experience was just HORRIBLE.... BUT...

As time wore on, things got better, I adapted, we all adjusted in to a schedule, DD was super happy at daycare, and thriving.. doing so well.

Now that I'm home again, I still can't escape a mother's guilt. Now that DD is home with me all day and we can't afford to even put her in daycare part time (because she really loves her daycare friends), I feel bad because all she has all day is me, and I know she must miss her little friends. I feel like her being with me will impede all the learning that she was doing with the other daycare children. I teach her, and I bring her to the park, and I try to give her all the things she got at daycare, but it's hard to find other children for her to play with. We have a really shoddy bus system where I live that only runs at peak hours, and we only have one car which DH takes to work because he works pretty far from where we live. I'd love to find a playgroup somewhere to take DD to a few times a week just so she can play with other children.

The other thing that I feel guilty about is being depressed around DD. I'm not happy about the job situation, but what is worse is that I have a great resume and portfolio, and I've applied to a million jobs and am getting nowhere. I only lost the job I had last Friday, but I've been job searching since January. I'm not trying to 'toot my own horn' here, but it's never taken me this long to find a job... EVER. My industry is in the toilet right now though, and everything is contract. If I try to work for myself, I just don't know if I can make enough money. If I take on jobs that I need day-time hours to work on, that means I'd have to put DD in daycare, but I can't work while she's running around, and that means that I need to make at least enough to pay for said daycare, and in general the whole working for myself thing just scares the living daylights out of me.

That being said, as I continue to job search, I'm thinking more and more of what my backup plan is going to be if I just can't find anything in my field. Do I go work at the grocery store evenings and weekends so I can care for DD during the day and never see my husband again? Do we sell our house and move in to something cheaper so that we can live off of one income and I do... ????? Do I attempt to start a home day-care so that I can care for DD and make a living at least until DD goes to school, then go back to school in three years to either update all the skills for my industry (which will hopefully be in a better state in 3 years), or change careers altogether (even though I have no idea what else I would do)? Maybe I stick with doing part-time contracts in the evening/weekends and hope to hell that I can drum up enough business to keep us afloat?

Though I have some faith that I will find something, or some solution eventually, living in limbo is hard. I was well-adjusted to being at work again. The initial was crappy, but by the end of it, I had the hang of it. I know that it will all work out again, but I'm in a mourning period... One that has continued since I was laid off from my job before my parental leave. I still miss that job, it was so perfect, and now I'm back to dealing with the horse poop that is job searching in a very tough job market.

Okay, so I've gone on and on about this job thing. Wow. I'm sorry, but I guess I really had/have a lot on my mind about it. I hate to sound all 'woe is me', and I hate that I use the word 'hate', and that I'm so negative when I'm trying to be positive. This is definitely not the best version of myself, and I am really glad that DD is young enough not to understand any of it. I am as happy as I can possibly be with her, and she reminds me every day of why the things in life are worth fighting for.

ETA: Since this post became all about my crappy job situation (or lack thereof), I have aptly named it so that I can put all the happy things with happy pictures of my beautiful girl in a happy post. :)

2013

Happy New Year! It's been far too long since I've updated, so I think it's time I get back on here.

First thing's first... We are TTC #2! :) I have to say "trying" loosely since I've just weaned DD and am waiting for a postpartum period, but once my body works it all out, we will be trying. I'm not charting or temping right away, and we're just going to try on our own for a while and see what happens. I'm optimistic that this time around will be better than the first time, and hopefully it will be quicker and easier.

DD is now 10 months old. Two months to her first birthday! It's so hard to believe, and time really does go by so fast. She is just a wonderful little girl. She's crazy busy, and has started taking her first steps here and there. She's so cute, and she just gets in to EVERYTHING, and as crazy as it gets here sometimes, I just love the whole experience to pieces, that little girl amazes me every single day. I love her so much.

We have been so blessed and fortunate in 2012. When I look back on the year, I'd definitely say it has been the best year of my life. I've grown to appreciate everything I have so much more than I ever have, and DD has really put a lot of things in to perspective for me and for DH as well. We are so happy.

Here's to hoping that 2013 brings even more greatness, but I'd be happy with the status quo. Life is good right now!

DD has grown so much! She's on the move, walking with assistance for the most part, but then every now and again she gets brave and let's go, and tries a few steps. She says 'dada' a lot, not necessarily in context, and she says 'mama' when she's upset, but that might just be the way her cries go. The other day I swear she said 'banana', and she was trying to copy me saying 'uh oh' today. So cute! She also waves, claps, throws her arms up as if to say "meh, whatever", and does high fives. And now, a picturefest! :)

 

Getting in to the presents. She did eventually rip this one open on Christmas Eve.

 

 

Got her a big giraffe for Christmas, she likes to flop on it.

 

Picture with Santa! She did such a great job! No tears!!!

 

Me and Ash wearing our Christmasy hats. :)

 

 

My little cutie pie. :)

 

 

DD absolutely loves garlic, and she loves garlic hummus. It's messy stuff though!

 

 

DD was the perfect model for my knitted hats. :)

 

 

This one is probably most fitting, since she really is a monkey!

 

 

But she makes a pretty darn cute giraffe too!

 

 

DD is talented. She plays the piano.... Okay, well she's plays the keys that control the sound wave in the exhibit at the museum of Science and Tech.. :)

 

 

Daddy and Ash. Seriously melts my heart... And yes, she is a spitting image of my husband. haha

 

 

In her big girl car seat!

 

 

We have gates all over our house... and she uses them ALL!! :)

 

 

Daddy and Ash at our favourite breakfast place. :)

Oh how time flies

At about 6 1/2 months, Ashley got the hang of crawling and since then I've been chasing her all over the place! She's such a busy girl. Now she's starting to pull up on stuff, which is great but also results in a lot of her also falling off of stuff and getting really mad about it.

So much has happened in one month. She went from being just a roller to this crawling, climbing, babbling machine! And the other day I attempt to take a gander in to her mouth to see 3 TEETH cutting through. She's growing and changing so fast!

Here's a few 6 month pics of my awesome little girl.

I don't bother much with socks anymore because she just takes them off and eats them. Yum!

Oh the faces she makes....

Testing out her new dining chair.

Big teething cheeks!

Testing out the new area rug. I believe it is Ashley approved.

She loves her jumperoo so much that she often jumps herself to sleep.

She loves to follow the dog around. They are both so curious about each other.

Being a little devious, getting in to the dog bed after mommy said no. :)

Dawww... 

6 months!

Ashley turned 6 months old on the 29th, so I'm a little late on my post, but half a year definitely deserves a mention! :) Time has really sped up since this wonderful little girl came in to my life! Can't believe we are here already!

She had her 6 months shot right on her monthaversary which is no fun. I thought they would be easier this time, but around 8pm that night she was screaming because her leg was hurting her and running a bit of a fever. I felt so bad for her, but I got to get in lots of comforting cuddling which she doesn't usually let me do, so I'll take what I can!

She is on the verge of crawling! She can roll all over the place... and she literally does roll ALL OVER the place. :) She can get up on all fours and get right in to the crawl position, she just hasn't figured out those knees yet! She can also sit with a little assistance, grab at smaller objects, and she screams lots... fun baby screams of course!

Here's a photo of her from this morning. We're still unpacking... not fun for us, but lots of fun for her!

Meetup Groups

I've been on maternity leave for 5 1/2 months so far, and now that Ash is a little older, I find myself needing more things to do with her during the day. I found a meetup group in my area, and I just joined! I'm so excited to start meeting other moms and have Ash socialize with other children. It looks like it will be a good group. They do all kinds of things from play dates at people's houses, to mom's night out (which I am in dire need of). I'm not the most social of people because I'm really shy but I think it's time to go outside my comfort zone for the sake of my sanity and for my daughter! I don't want her to be as shy as me if I can help it. :)

Yay!

I just finished making another diaper. Well... I haven't made inserts for it yet, and am just using the ones from some of my Fuzzibunz, but I need the right material for that.

I am so proud! I bought a new sewing machine, and it works sooooooo much better than the old one. This one took no time at all! It's a pocket diaper, complete with PUL and all!

Yay me!!

5 1/2 months!

Time is really starting to fly with my baby girl! She's not crawling yet, but I think it's coming very soon. She's up on all fours a lot trying to propel herself forward. The times of plopping her in one place will soon be over and replaced by me chasing her all over the house... and I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun!!! :) :) :)

Oh Brother...

After my last proud post about having made the diaper, I tried to make another one, and my old machine just kept jamming and doing all kinds of things that were making me nuts.. So I bought a new sewing machine. Wasn't sure what kind to go with, but my mom told me good things about the Brother machines, so I went with that.

I bought a computerized machine, which I have never used before... and WOW! What a difference. It is so quiet, and so precise! Why didn't I buy one of these sooner before I destroyed half the material that I bought!? Hindsight... 20/20 right?

Anyway, I've been having loads of fun with it while Ashley naps, I can't wait to make more awesome diapers!!!

Woman of the cloth

Cloth diapers that is!

I believe I posted a while back that at 3 months, I started using cloth diapers on Ashley. Well, I'm still using them, and I love them.

What you don't know is that I've taken it upon myself to start making them as well. I made my first Pocket Diaper with PUL a couple of days ago, and here it is:

There is some definite tweaking that has to happen, because my stitching needed to be done with polyester thread, and I think some of it was cotton which lead to leaks from the stitching in the legs... But it's all trial and error at this point. This diaper will be okay to use as a fitted with a cover, but I will have to get polyester thread and try again with the PUL and hope for better results..

Of course, since this is my first go, I'm proud nonetheless, and I figured it wouldn't be perfect since I'm using cheap Walmart PUL. When I get better at this, then I'll spend a little more $$ on the more expensive PUL.

I intend to start making more and selling them on my etsy shop, along with knitted soakers and skirties... but I want to make sure that I put these ones through rigorous testing first, and anything I sell will be made out of better quality materials. :)

Anyway, just a little update from my crafty self. I'm taking a break from knitting to basically learn sewing all over again, since I haven't touched my sewing machine in well over 10 years, I'm surprised the thing still works... It must be 20 years old by now.. :)

5 months!

Ashley is going to be five months old in six days. I felt this needed it's own post. :) It's unbelievable how fast the time as gone and how much my little monkey has grown!

From about 3-4 months, she wasn't sleeping very well at night. She was waking every two hours. It was exhausting — for her and for me. Somewhere around 4 months and week though, she decided to start sleeping again even better than before! I got 8 hour nights for a week straight!! Then she regressed a bit and now she seems to be sleeping pretty well again. It's amazing how a good 5-8 hour stretch of sleep does wonders for both Ashley and I!

At 4 months, I started giving her cereal. She's a breast fed baby, so they say not to feed solids until 6 months, but she was always so hungry, especially around bed time. I give her the cereal about an hour before she goes to bed, and that seems to help... though it didn't at first. I'm not sure if this is what is helping her to sleep better, but I'll keep going with it. She seems to like the cereal too.

Ashley started rolling over at 2 1/2 months, but she was only rolling every now and again. In the last month, she rolls all over the place!! She also rolls at night, and if I wasn't using a sleep positioner to keep her in one place, she would never sleep because she would be rolling everywhere!!

5 months... wow.... FIVE MONTHS! It seemed like things were moving along slowly until I realized how much time has actually gone by. It's crazy!

And now... some pictures of Ashley... the best part of this post!

Random fact: I have over 2815 photos on my iPhone. 99.9% of those photos are of Ashley.... :)