How TTC Changes You

When we went to shop around for a new car, my husband and I had both agreed on the Hyundai Elantra 2011 Sedan. Walking in to the dealership, it was fully our plan to get this new, sporty Sedan, we weren't thinking of a family car, but just a replacement for what we had.

Actually standing in the dealership though, with me and my husband lodged in between the Sedan and Hyundai Elantra Touring crossover vehicle, something in the back of my head was SCREAMING "Take the touring! It has more space for the kids, and a back space for the dog!"

I knew my husband loved the sedan, but he's amazing, and he listened to me making valid points about the Touring. After we found out they had a sport version of the Touring, my husband was on board, and that is the vehicle we chose. We could both picture children and the dog in the back of that car.

I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is huge. Somewhere, along the way, my husband and I stopped thinking about what *we* wanted out of the car, and started thinking about what would be best for our future family.

As crappy as infertility is, sometimes I can't help but agree that everything happens for a reason. If we would have actually had a child two and some odd years ago, I don't think that we both would have been as prepared as we are now. Mentally, physically, financially, we have been making the small changes that will contribute to the well-being of our children, and we've stopped thinking about our lives as just ours, and started thinking about the future of what our lives are to become.

Earlier on in the process of trying to conceive, I would get nervous every time I tested to see if I was pregnant. With every cycle, and every disappointment, I would get less and less nervous, and more and more anxious to see a second line.

Today, I am nothing more than purely excited to have a child. I can't wait until the day I get two lines. I of course, like anyone dealing with infertility, am afraid that I may never get the experience, but I'm also optimistic that at some point, at the right time, we are going to get our baby one way or another, and it is going to be wonderful.

New Car. Family Car.

Our 2010 Elantra Sedan was written off the Friday before last, so we had to go out and get another car.

We had decided on getting a 2011 Elantra Sedan, but after considering that, and the 2011 Elantra Touring (picture above), we decided that for our future family, the Touring would be the better choice.

It has loads of space, a big back area for the dog, enough back seats to fit phantom triplets, and lots of compartmental space.

It was a good compromise between what I wanted and what my husband wanted. I wanted something with more space and that would be more suitable for a family, and my husband wanted something that drives well, and looks slick. We got the sport version because of the extra features, the sport configured engine, the chrome detailing and spoiler, and we even added tinted windows to appease my husband.

All in all, I think this is the perfect car for us!

We pick it up at 6pm!

TGIF!

This week can not end soon enough. We've been dealing with the insurance over the accident we had with our car (lady drove through a stop sign and hit us). Our car is a write-off with an estimated $14,000 in damages, so next week's not looking much better, since we're going to have to find another car.

The rental car we have is a gas pig, and I hate it. It drives like crap, it's big and clunky... I seriously miss my Hyundai Elantra. Our car wasn't even a year old yet. :(

Everything that can go wrong this morning is going wrong, and I wish I could say that the weekend was going to be a rest period, but I have parties to attend on both Saturday and Sunday... none of which I really want to go to, but have to.

On the TTC font:

I'm not currently charting, but I have an idea of when I ovulate based on one never-fail symptom: My face ALWAYS breaks out one week before AF shows her ugly face. I know that's not a for-sure sign, but it has never been wrong yet. It's like the consistence of my skin changes, it's really weird.

DH and I are both hoping that this month will work out, and that we'll finally get pregnant, but I have little hope of that happening.

A Port In The Storm

When I say I understand,
it's because I do.

My understanding stems from
an experience that I wish
I never had, but we all get little
choice over such things.

All I can do is try to make the best of
what I have been given in my life
and use the lessons I'm learning
to try and pass along my wisdom
and my understanding to those
who need it.

As I make my way
through this imperfect and
sometimes perilous passage,
I sometimes need a hand from those
that have walked the path before me.
I gain strength from their kindness,
and the courage to keep going.

A strength, a courage, a faith
and an understanding
that I hope I can gain and project
for those who might need the
same support I've grown to
know over the years.

Job Secured for 1 More Year!

I FINALLY got my term signed off on today, so I don't have to worry about my position for another year.

Now let's get me knocked the fuck up in the next 4 months, so that I can go on maternity before my position ends!!!!

Anxiously Waiting

A woman ran a stop sign and hit our car on Friday. We're all fine, it wasn't a major accident, but our car is in rough shape. I'm waiting for the collision centre to call us and tell us if they can fix it, or if it will be a write off. The damage doesn't look that bad from the outside, but the frame of the car is bent, and the transmission and gear shift were all wonky.

The whole incident just sucks. Our car isn't even a year old yet. Ugh.

Renovations In Progress

Since all I keep talking about is renovations, I thought I'd share some photos of what's currently happening.

This pic is of the mess that's currently in our dining room. I painted that room first, so you can see the grey we used on the wall. Today's job was to tackle ripping up the carpet and painting the walls in the living room!

This is the before of the living room paint (and my DH):

This is the after. Still not quite dry yet, but I think it will look nice when it's done, and it seems to catch the light a lot better. :)

Once all the painting is done both downstairs and upstairs, then we can start on the floors, but for now, we're living on that awful floorboard stuff.

And... now that you've seen what my dining room looks like, you can understand why I would LOOOOOOOOVE to get these renos done as soon as possible!!

Creepy

Sometimes, I like to randomly search for maternity tees so that I can laugh at them. I would never wear one, because I think they're ridiculous... but hey.. when you're bored at work, sometimes it's a good way to pass the time.

I came across this one though, that is just too weird in my opinion. I mean.... it's one thing to see an ultrasound picture, or to show it to someone in a card or something... but that this one is actually placed over your uterus... well.... it's kinda like looking through a window straight in to a pregnant woman's vagina. Ick.

New Furnishings For The Basement

We're still working away at getting things done around the house. We finally got the basement to a point where we can start moving stuff downstairs. DH set up the TV with a wall-mount, and it looks awesome.

We were going to use a futon that we already had down there, but after moving it down, and attempting to watch TV with it, we realized how uncomfortable it is. Last night, we ended up buying a sectional instead. We have to wait two weeks for it to get here, but I think it will work out great! This is the sectional:



We also decided to buy this ottoman/coffee table:



I fell in love with it! I love that it has dual functionality. The serving trays flip over if you just want it to be an ottoman, and they are removable. So if you have company, and a bunch of dishes, you can just bring the trays upstairs.

I can't wait until they get here!

Out of the T-TTC closet

In the last couple of weeks, I have let both my mother and mother-in-law know about our TTC troubles. I figure after 2+ years of dealing with this infertility garbage, it was time to let them in on the big dirty secret. Both were very supportive, and it's nice to not have to hide behind fake smiles when MIL makes all her comments about where her grandchildren are anymore.

Though TTC still hangs in fairly heavily on our minds, we've been so busy working on the house lately that we've been more than able to occupy ourselves. DH finished the basement over the weekend. Everything is done except for the ceiling, which we won't do for a while. We were going to use the futon we had to sit on down there, but it's so uncomfortable to sit on to watch TV that we just decided to look for a sectional sofa. I found a really good deal on one, so we're going to go check it out tonight. We just have to move our office down there now, and the basement should be good for now.

Once that's done, it's onto painting the upstairs of the house. We did the dining room in the new paint, and it looks great, now we just need to do the same colour in the living room, stairway and upstairs hallway.

After we finish the painting, it will be time to rip up the rest of our carpets and lay down the new flooring, and at the same time, we'll be getting roofers in to give us a new roof.

After that, when spring rolls in, we clean up the yard, and finish the back deck, and do some landscaping...

And then we're done!!!!! We just live. I can't wait to get to this point!!!!

So Many Projects!

Our entire house is under renovation! We were able to get some extra cash to put towards our house, and we are taking full advantage of it.

We're doing all of the renovations on our own, which started with the basement when we moved in almost 3 years ago now. DH has been taking a long time because this is all new territory for him (and I). Luckily, DH's dad is a contractor, and has been able to help us out tremendously.

Our basement is almost done now. We painted it on Friday. I bought the paint last year, and it was supposed to be a light Khaki sort of colour, but it was way different than what I thought! It's more like a darker military green. Luckily it still looks awesome, so we're going to keep it. I don't have pictures of the house yet, but I will take some and post later. For now, this is close to the colour we have in the basement:



Other than the basement, we are painting the living room and upstairs hallway as well to match the new floors that we will also be laying down hopefully by the end of march. This is the color that I will painting that with (with white trim):



The laminate floor itself is a dark brown, almost black colour. It's called Volcanic Cherry.

I can't wait to get everything done, so much work to do, but our little home is going to look fantastic when we're done!

I'm kind of in career hell

Two and a half weeks ago, my boss tells me that my work term is being renewed for 6 months. A week later, he tells me the position expired, so now they can't renew... so, I confirm with the other employer that I've been courting that I will be unemployed in April, so I will be joining them.

Well....

On Wednesday I tell my current (term) boss that I'll be leaving for this other job on April 30th.

On Friday, my boss comes back to me and says that he pushed, and found a way to renew my term for one year, and that I would be signing that offer same day... Then he left for the day, and I didn't sign anything.

Tuesday rolls in, and I ask him WTF is going on. He says I'm getting 1 year, but he didn't receive the offer on Friday, so I have to wait.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping the other employer in limbo, which doesn't make me look very good.

So this morning, I email the other employer, and finally just tell them exactly what's going on here. They weren't very happy that I was leaving them in limbo, but they were still interested in moving forward if I can't get what I'm trying to get here with my current employer.

I feel like such a shit. My current boss originally told me to find employment because renewal wasn't looking promising... so I go out and do just that... then all this shit gets pulled on me.

Ultimately, I know what I want. I want to work where I am now, whether it's the 1 year term, or I get permanency, but if it's anything shorter than 1 year, then I will leave.

It's impossible to plan a family or anything else in my life without something more permanent.

I'm in limbo right now, and it's just really stressful... then on top of that I feel bad because I was leading the other employer on.

Ughhh....

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST MAKE A FREAKIN' DECISION ALREADY!?!?!?!?!?!?! This has been going on for months!!!!