Just for fun...

I've been seeing these around a few blogs, so I thought I'd do one just for fun. :)

How big is baby? They say that baby is the size of an apple seed, but in yesterday's ultrasound, all we could see was a gestational sac, and no baby yet, so I'm not sure. :)

Weight gain/loss? I'm not tracking this because I'm too scared to think about it.

Symptoms: Lots and lots of dizziness, sore boobs, constipation, and now... nausea before bed.

Stretch marks? Nope

Maternity clothes? All my clothes were getting tight before I got pregnant, but at least now I have an excuse to make things fit while leaving the fly open with a Bella Band. I wanted to be in better shape before baby, but what are you going to do with Clomid making you eat everything in sight?

Sleep? I've been passing out at like... 6pm once I get home from work, but then I'm up all night.

Best moment this week? Seeing a gestational sac in my uterus, and not anywhere else.

Food cravings? No particular cravings, but I'm eating everything in sight.

Gender? Nowhere near this yet.

 

Movement? Wayyyy too soon.

 

Belly button? In

What do I miss? I only missed drinking while I was in Chicago, and there was an open bar.

How do I feel? Cautious. I'm hoping to feel a little better at next week's ultrasound when I hopefully see an actual baby in the gestational sac.

My first experience with morning sickness

I thought all the dizziness I've been having was morning sickness... it's not.. but it is a pregnancy symptom for me. My head spins all day long like vertigo, and it gets particularly worse when I'm tired.

Last night though, was the first time I was actually nauseous. I was pretty sure I'd have to run to the bathroom a few times, but luckily, it was just nausea and not actual vomiting.

So I guess I don't have 'morning' sickness... I have 'just before bed' sickness.

I'll take it either way! I'm just happy to be and feel pregnant!

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THERE!!!! :D

I'm about 5 weeks pregnant today, so it's really early.. but I had an ultrasound this morning to check that the baby was where it was supposed to be.

We didn't see a baby, but we did see a gestational sac IN THE UTERUS!! Woohoo!!! So for now, they said everything seems to be okay, and my bloodwork came back good yesterday, and that the spotting was probably just regular 1rst tri spotting. :)

I have another ultrasound on July 6th at 6 weeks where we should get to see a little more. They said if that's good, then I'll probably get released from the RE. :) :)

I hate my RE, so this is seriously awesome news!!!!!

Tomorrow will either be amazing, or horrible.

My beta came back at 4pm and though they said the levels were good, they want me to go in for an ultrasound tomorrow morning so that they can make sure that the baby is in the uterus. I guess given the dizziness and the spotting, they want to make sure it's not an ectopic pregnancy.

Dh is coming with me tomorrow in case anything happens, but hopefully tomorrow everything will be good, and we'll get a first glimpse of our baby!

If only pregnancy were black and white....

I say that, because I am stuck in shades of grey.

My family doctor has a group hotline that you can call in off hours to be assessed by a triage nurse, and if the triage nurse thinks there is an issue, they patch you through to a doctor.

Well, I called the hotline yesterday because after several days of spotting, and then increasing dizziness, I was starting to get a little antsy. I've never been pregnant before, but something was telling me that these symptoms just don't seem like normal pregnancy symptoms.

The doctor called me back, and she said that it's possible that the two symptoms are unrelated. She said that I could just be having 1rst trimester bleeding which could be normal, and that the dizziness could be labyrinthitis or viral. To be on the safe side, she suggested that I go back to my fertility doc and get them to run a second beta to make sure that the numbers are rising correctly.

I don't know why my RE didn't do this in the first place, I'm sure it would have alleviated a lot of stress that I've had over the past couple of days. I placed a call to his office (that has really stupid hours), and I'm hoping they call me back this morning to go in and get at least another beta so that I can relax a little.

I seriously wish that pregnancy was black and white. Either you aren't pregnant, or you are, and nothing goes wrong or weird for your entire pregnancy. Of course... that is not the case.... *sigh*

Is this morning sickness????

I keep saying that I haven't had any symptoms of morning sickness yet, and I don't even know if this is a symptom of pregnancy or what, but I am so dizzy all the time now, and I'm hotter than hell!! If I walk for 10 minutes, I'm so hot, sweaty and gross that it feels like I've been exercising for 3 hours straight!!

I'm not complaining, I'm just kind of shocked that all of my energy is gone in walking just a couple of blocks.

I still have to laugh, because I knew that as soon as I got here (Chicago for conference), I had a feeling that my m/s would kick in.

Blog Design

Well, I don't know if this is the design I'm going to stick with. I was looking for something more baby themed, but I really didn't like much of what I found. Or if I found something I liked, it was something that another blog I've read already has.

As a graphic designer, I suppose I could be less lazy and just make something myself, but being lazy is just easier.

So for now, I'll go with this Sweet Blog theme, and if someone asks me what makes this blog so "Sweet", my answer will be because it's going to be pretty sweet blogging about my baby. ;)

Beta is in!!

I called and harassed my RE's office through voicemail, LOL

I guess they're only doing one beta, which is weird, but whatever. My beta was 161, and my progesterone was at 58. She said these numbers were normal, so I'm definitely pregnant! I read online that a normal beta for 4 weeks ranges between 5-426, so I'm in the middle.

They're not doing another beta, so I guess they're not checking if the levels are rising, but I will have an ultrasound on July 6th!!!

I feel like a weight has been lifted for the time being at least. I hope the next 3 weeks until my ultrasound flies by!

Livid

What kind of RE's office makes a pregnant person wait for a beta after they tell them that they'll call with the results at 1PM YESTERDAY?

They still have not called. I'm beyond pissed off at this point. They've been terrible at returning messages and I hate my doctor.

I'm glad he got me pregnant and all, but he's a freakin' robot.

After I told him I was pregnant on Friday, he said a very careless congrats, then went in to reading the results from my cycle..........

WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT THE NUMBERS FROM WHETHER I OVULATED OR NOT THIS CYCLE???? Obviously I did if I'm telling you I'm pregnant...

He's a moron. Their service sucks, and I can't wait until I'm pregnant enough to be released to an OBGYN who will hopefully have a better bedside manner, and a secretary that actually does her job.

So I guess I get to sit through today biting my nails until I finally get a freakin' phone call with my beta.

I don't know if it's hormones or what, but I'm freakin' pissed off.

Patience is a virtue

And one that I would think I would be better equipped with, but waiting for my beta is tough!

They said they would call this afternoon with the numbers, but they didn't say -when- this afternoon. LOL

I'm afraid to get up from my desk in case they phone, but I really have to pee. EVERY TIME I go to the washroom when I'm waiting for an important call, the phone ALWAYS rings while I'm gone. I don't know if my answering machine is working, so I don't want to take the chance.

For now I guess I'll just sit here uncomfortably willing the phone to ring.

My first Beta is today

I'm really nervous.

On Saturday and Sunday, I had really light spotting. When I say light, I mean one scant amount of really light brown spotting, once each day. Today would put me at 14dpo for my cycle, so likely today would have been the day that I would have expected my period. I've read that spotting at this point can be totally normal, especially the few days before when you're period would have normally arrived, but I have to admit that I'm really scared.

I'm going in for my beta at 10:30 and should have the results this afternoon. I hope the numbers are good, and that would really help to ease my mind for a bit.

My first ultrasound will be at 7 weeks.

I really have to calm down and stop living the days out on pins and needles.

I keep telling myself that if something bad happens, then it happens.. and that's it. I can't worry about it every day and drive myself mad. But it's so hard to chase off the feelings. I love this baby so much already.

Symptoms and what we did differently

I know some ladies over on thebump.com on the TTGP board always like to know what symptoms were experienced and what we did differently in the cycle before the BFP.

Honestly, this month we didn't do anything different. With Clomid, we've been on an EOD sex schedule, which we did up until CD19. I thought I'd ovulated on CD15 at first, but we kept going just in case (thank goodness!), turns out I O'd on CD19.

In terms of symptoms, I really haven't felt any different. I've had gas, but I always get that before AF arrives so I didn't think anything of it.

There's only one thing that now that I look back I think could have been a symptom, and it's something that happened at lunch at 9dpo. My bff and I went to East Side Mario's for the soup/bread/salad lunch combo. I ordered the italian wedding soup. I've had this soup tons of times before, but this time, for some reason, I had a lot of difficulty swallowing the meatballs. I could swallow my iced tea, I could swallow the broth in the soup, the bread, the salad, but every time I took a meatball it would go to the back of my throat, and it was like my brain forgot how to swallow. Really weird. I don't know if that's a pregnancy symptom, or if I'm just crazy, but it has never happened before. 9dpo was the day I got the really questionable faint positive.

I thought I'd be able to just 'know' that I was pregnant as soon as it happened, but I can honestly say I had no idea. This cycle was so strange with monitoring going wrong, and weird follie sizes that I wasn't expecting it to work out. I was completely surprised to see a positive!

Aftershocks

Both my parents, and DH's parents are aware of what we've been going through, dealing with PCOS and fertility treatments. After we gathered the courage to let them in on it all, it made dealing with IF a lot easier and a lot less lonely.

We were going to wait until father's day to tell them that it looks like they're going to be grandparents, but last night, we were both so excited, we just couldn't hold it in.

We were at a funeral yesterday for DH's grandfather. He passed away peacefully at 93 from old age. The ceremony was beautiful, and DH's mom was being strong, but we could tell that she was so sad. After we got home, I took the digital, and I think the pregnancy hit DH like a ton of bricks because he was so excited, he asked if he could tell his mom, because he knew that she would be so happy. (They've wanted us to have kids since we met 13 years ago... lol). We decided to tell both sets of parents, but no one else.

We both know that it is extremely early in this pregnancy to tell anyone beyond them, so we made sure to tell them to keep it just between us until we feel it's time to let others in on it. (We'll probably stick with the standard 3 months).

Both sets of parents were so overcome with joy, they didn't even know what to say. My mother was so excited she cried, and told me she knew it was going to happen soon. My father had no idea what to say. He was so shocked. haha I told him I was calling to wish him a happy Grandfather's day early.. He didn't catch on at first, but when he did, his response was "WHAT????" LOL

When DH told his parents, his mother was so excited, I heard her scream through the phone (which is rare, she's a really quiet person). DH's dad couldn't speak through his tears of joy. :)

Yesterday was a sad but great day. Where one life ended, another began.

I believe it now!!!!

I do'nt have to question it anymore. Digi says I'm pregnant!!!

I'M SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!!

A Possible BFP... Today is never going to end!! LOL

Last night at 9DPO, I took a cheap test, and saw the faintest of faint positives! I didn't want to get to excited because it was so light it could have easily been an evap line or something. DH wasn't sure if he saw a second line or not.

Well, I took another cheap hpt this morning, and there was definitely a pink line there! Again, it was faint, but neither of us had to squint at all to see it!

I'm having a hard time believing it's a BFP, but I think that's just because I'm using cheap tests. Granted... I've used these same cheap tests for as long as I've been TTC, and I've NEVER seen a line on any of them.

I'm going to get a digital tonight, and I think that possibly seeing the word "pregnant" on the test might make me feel more like this is real.

I also have an RE appointment for the results of this cycle. Hopefully I already know what the results are! :)

Useless appointments

I had a CD27 monitoring appointment yesterday. There was really no point in it, since I O'd on CD19, which they already saw since they monitored so late (on CD19) to begin with.

Yesterday's appointment was useless, because I got the u/s tech that I had before that doesn't talk to you, or tell you anything. I watched her measure a 16mm follicle, but I have no idea what that means when I've already ovulated.

They were also testing out a new u/s machine, so on top of the terrible tech, I had another woman in there teaching her to use the machine. My appointment that should have been 15 minutes was 1/2 an hour, and I waited a 1/2 hour before getting in to my appointment in the first place.

My RE's office just plain sucks. My RE isn't that great either. It's frustrating that there isn't much I can do about that right now. Grrr...

On the upswing though, my chart is looking pretty good. I've never had a chart that looked so promising. Usually, my temps are never more than .1-.2 degrees higher above the cover line, so I'm definitely liking this one. Check it out below:

Slow day at work, let's talk exercise + xbox.

So, on Friday, my husband calls me and tells me that he has a check coming in for some work he did, and he wants to spend the money on an Xbox. Being the wonderful wife that I am (sometimes), I had no problems with that.

We bought the version with the Kinect, because I was a fan of the Wii and all the motion games where you have to actually get up and do things in the games. My husband is more in to games like Mortal Kombat, or sit on the couch and play games. The Xbox offers a pretty good mix of games for both of us.

We purchased one game called "Your Shape Fitness Evolved" (link to game info). We tried it out yesterday, and I am beyond overjoyed that I actually think that this game might be exactly what I need to be able to exercise in my house.

It's like having a personal trainer right in your living room, except without the expense! I want to get some free weights to hold while I'm doing the exercises so that I can get more out of them, but the games/training that they make you do is actually work!

The game also counts calories. The calories seem to only be accurate when you're not holding weights, but it's a start. Too bad you can't enter in your weights though.

I'm going to start using this game routinely, and I want to encourage DH to do the same. It offers a program for women, and men, so we can each do it. Pretty cool stuff.

We don't have exercise equipment at home, or the space to put any in there, so between running outside, and the various exercises, yoga etc.. that come with this game, I really hope to be able to get in shape over the summer!

Something else to look forward to!

Just booked us a short camping trip in July to Bon Echo Provincial Park! I like to make sure we get camping in at least once a summer!

We've never been to Bon Echo before but here's a preview (with images I linked from google):

I look forward to taking my own pics to share. I also can't wait to have a little photofest in Chicago!!

Analytical Me.

I am analyzing my chart, and my first ultrasound results to death. Impatience causes me to try to read in to things, even though I fully know that it is impossible to read in to anything, or get answers any sooner.

I am fortunate enough that at least I have a monitoring appointment tomorrow so maybe I can catch a glimpse of something that can tell me more about what's going on this cycle, but in all likelihood, nothing tomorrow will tell me anything.

I have an appointment on Friday for my results of this cycle, so that should help things, but in the meantime, I really have to stop with the analyzing of temperatures, and analyzing the what if's of this cycle. It's driving me batty!!

Chicago!

After much concern over whether or not I'd get a passport in time for this trip, I got a call from the passport office yesterday saying that my passport was ready for pickup!

I'm so excited! I'm attending the HOW Design conference, and I was able to get a room at one of the conference hotels even though I'm kind of down to the wire. Almost everything was booked! Now I've just got to get my flight, and I'm all ready for the 23rd!!

Chicago, here I come!!!!

Okay, I'm ignoring my chart now

Because having your crosshairs moved sucks.

It sucks even more when you were in for an ultrasound on CD19 and it showed an ovulated follicle that was only 12mm, and you were happy that CD15 was the day FF thought you O'd because it could have meant that the follicle was shrinking and that you were already 6dpo.

If I did "O" on CD19, I don't know how it's possible given what the ultrasound showed.

Surprise O!

Well, I wrote the update below before I put my temperature in to my chart. My chart indicated that I O'd on CD15!! Since they didn't monitor until CD19, it's entirely possible that what they saw was a corpus luteum that was shrinking from my CD15 O!!!

I'm now 6dpo!

One more week until I test!

This Cycle

I guess I forgot to update on my CD19 appointment.. but I guess at this point, there's not really much to tell. The ultrasound was inconclusive. The tech said she believed that she saw a corpus luteum, which likely means I ovulated.... but it was so small (only 12mm) so she said it could also have been one from a previous cycle.

If I go by my chart, I haven't ovulated yet.. if my chart is right, then that 12mm is from a previous cycle, and I have no mature follicles for this cycle.

I won't really know anything more concrete until the end of this cycle when I see my RE and get b/w results as well as the overall result of the cycle.

More job cuts

Ugh. If it's not worrying about term renewals, then it's on to worrying about federal job cuts. I hate that pure evil was voted in to a majority government.

I guess in my absence from work yesterday, there was another stand up meeting in which the big guy told us all that they need to cut another 5% of jobs. Awesome. We had more job creation during the recession than we do now that we're coming out of it!

/vent.

My Mother

My mother's answer to infertility always seems to be to avoid it. Whenever I have ever talked to my mother about having children, she always tells me some reason of why she wishes she'd waited until she was at least 35 to have kids..... Hint hint?

Well, 35 is not the age that I want a child at. So what? If I don't decide to wait until 35 then I can't receive any kind of emotional support from my mom?

Okay, I shouldn't say that. I did get a one-liner when I told my mother that I had PCOS, was having trouble getting pregnant and that 3 rounds of clomid so far have not work. She said: "Your time will come. Don't worry. Enjoy your freedom while you have it."

Ugh. I swear, if I never had children, my mother would dance around in circles. It's bad enough that she wishes she'd waited until she was 35 to have kids, which means that my brother and I would likely never have existed... gee... thanks mom.

I don't know if it's just infertility that makes me sensitive to the types of comments that she makes, but sometimes it would be nice to just shake her and ask her wtf her problem is. Maybe you don't want me to have kids, because you didn't want them... BUT I DO.. and therefore, as my mother, it would be really nice if you could be there for me in any real way.

On the other hand, DH's mother can't wait for us to have kids. She's always asking about how we're doing, and she never gives me the generic "it will happen when it happens" kind of thing. I guess I just feel sad that it's more fun to talk to DH's mom about my future kids, and my own mother could care less.

I'm sure I'm being over dramatic, and I'm sure my mother would be super happy for me if I told her I was pregnant... but I don't need her then, I need her now.

PrettyCrappyOvulationSucks (PCOS) :)

CD16. No O.

I seem to be Oing later and later on Clomid. I guess the good news is I'm still Oing right? Although, I was Oing before Clomid as far as I could tell.

I hope that if this cycle doesn't work out, my doctor tries something else.

Spinning!

I'm getting better at spinning yarn! The wheel is getting easier to use, and I managed to make this ball more even and thinner. I'm sure it could make a beautiful baby hat, or child's mitts. I can make more, but not tonight. LOL I'm so happy with how the purple and grey turned out together. :)

Chicagobound!

I found out today that my conference for work got approved! I'll be in Chicago from June 23rd to the 27th!

I'll have the 23rd to get out an explore things, so I hope I get nice weather. I'll be bringing my camera of course. :) It's been a while since I've gone outside the country... well.. any further than Ogdensburg anyway.

Hopefully I'll get a BFP this month too! Maybe I'll find out when I'm in Chicago! :D